Happy Parents Day

I never trusted the water companies, they must have spiked my tap water. It's the only explanation for what's happening to me.

Lately I've been feeling broody, paternal, maternal even, which is interesting since last time I checked I was still a guy. But the way I'm feeling I'm only surprised I'm not lactating. All my friends are starting to have, or have started having families. Babies, toddlers and ankle biters are all around me and where previously there has been no interest on my part for anything beneath three feet tall, suddenly I find myself starting into strangers prams and smiling at their little bundle of joy. What is up with that?

First off let me say I''ve always valued my independence, having no commitments or family ties to stop me from achieving anything I want to in life. The things mere mortals prized highly a love one, kids, family, a home, a mortgage...living the dream they called it. I thought you might as well lock me in a damp dungeon and throw away the keys. It was a nightmare scenario for me cause I felt it meant that I was becoming trapped and my life was over. Now all of a sudden I find myself fantasying about having a relationship and a family or as I sometimes call it, a jail sentence with hard labour (with the possibility for parole for good behaviour, of course).

I must admit, this familial interest isn't a recent development. It's been on and off for the last 4-5 months now but I've only just gotten the courage to publicly admit it. I think it came full blown when I visited my cousins with their children. I should have know it was a conspiracy when I was getting all these hugs from the 3 and 7 year old and  the cutest smiles from the 1 year old. They worked me over for the three weeks i was there, melting the ice around my heart until they had me wrapped around their little fingers that I was promising of entertaining them in London should they visit. Oh, they got me good. 

I thought being back in London the ice around my heart would start to reform and harden but no. Instead I'm having dreams of my future children (Marcus and Celia) yes, that was their names in the dream, and it's seeping into my reality so now I'm thinking of getting a little rugrat of my own. A mini me with whom I can plot to take over the world. But children are for life, not just Christmas. That means they are a HUGH responsibility. Even with the German nanny. The friends of mine with toddlers tell me the stories of sleepless nights, concerns about teething, illnesses. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. I see the neighbourhood kids and I think I don't want my son/daughter hanging around "those" kids. Cause you know when they reach teenage years, if they were anything like me there'll be doors slamming, moody spells of silence cause if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you, and finally spending alot of time in the room alone listening to heavy metal music or "researching" (the male readers know what I'm talking about). I don't know how my mother put up with me.

I should go give her a call. So to all you mums and dads out there I salute you. You're doing the toughest job with no pay, but you can't beat those hugs, kisses and laughter for perks.

Prepare yourself...it's coming

Monday 28th June 2011. it was 31 degrees outside and I was stinking to high heaven. Geez!! Good thing my work colleagues where too polite to say anything or maybe they were just scared. I do give off that "don't mess with me vibe". LOL It's more bravado than any implied threat.
So I started this lotto/euro millions syndicate at the office and I am amazed at people's relationship with money. I've done it all legal with terms and conditions etc. and before signing your name their is a heading which specifically states in bold that the signing of this form is the confirmation of the signatory agreement to the terms and conditions overleaf.  It boggles the mind how so few people actually read this T&C and how many say "I trust you". Really? They trust me? I hold the original  signed contracts, and original tickets. I provide the players with copies of the tickets but that is it. When we win the jackpot and should I decide to run away with the winnings they have absolutely no evidence that they are in a syndicate, no evidence of who played, no evidence of if they are a regular player or not. Nothing. My lawyers will ask where is the evidence, what scrap of paper or agreement do they possess that proves they are in a syndicate and a regular player. So I've started sending emails to protect them from me. lol.

I'm also surprised with how little people prepare themselves for the eventuality that they will win a jackpot. I have already looked into diversifying into the four main asset classes, and securing independent financial advisers in preparation for the win. It is a true statistic that 70% of lottery winners spend if not all but most of their winnings in three years. This is why I believe in the five "Ps" Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. It is true you can't prepare for every single eventuality but where you can prepare you should.  But it's not just about the lottery but about life in general. It is important that we prepare ourselves for both the good and the bad in life and in so doing rejoice in it's joys and soften the blow of the rough.

You got to have a dream, if you dont have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true.

June 2011. Half the year, and time to reevaluate where I am in my life. Actually I am always reevaluating myself and where I am at this point in my life. That's the problem. My friends tell me I think too much and they are right. But being able to have independent thought is one of the abilities that I don't want to give it up. It's what I take pride in myself for and perhaps this pride is my downfall. It's hard for me to let go and just "let things happen". I always need to be in control. It's the freak in me. haha.

However it's not all bad. Being so cerebral allows me to some up with brilliant ideas and I'm forever having epiphanies. My latest was I am responsible for my own experiences of life. This statement means different things to different people, but for me it means that if I'm unsatisfied with  my life then the only one who can change it is me. Stop, Pause and read that again. This is an important realisation for me because as I sit here partaking of a life that is not the life I really want, I realise that truly, I am the only one that can change it. These days I tend to make future plans with this way of thinking.  That in itself has been a huge shift in my thought patterns where I am always looking back over my proverbial shoulder to see where I have come from, and questioning did I make the right decisions then. This would usually lead to me becoming despondent if I believed I had made the wrong choice that led me to where I am today. However now I realise (intellectually at least, if not quite on an emotional level as yet) that there was no right or wrong choice. There was just a choice. I'm not completely over that way of thinking but I tend to look forward more often.

However despite the best of intentions without action I'm still spinning top in mud. I know exactly what I'm suppose to do to enhance my experience of life but I'm still running scared. Running away, fearing success, fearing failure. FEAR! It dominates my thinking more than i would like to admit and it finds expression in a number of insidious and inventive ways, some of which might sound familiar to you as well. I start many projects and never complete them always walking out on them to do something else or find the flimsiest of excuses to get out of something I know I should be doing. So to counter this I have decided that I am going to be selective in my choice of activities and do one thing at a time to completion. So far it's been working I start with simple things like putting away my clothes and not just leaving it on the ground or some such. But it not easy I'm only human but I do see changes.