Be Inspiried - It Gets Better

Image from The Parenting Magazine

Recently I came across a news article about a state of suicides in America by young people in high school and college after suffering bullying because they were or perceived to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. 
It made headline news in America but I never saw anything about it on the BBC. However The American author, journalist and newspaper editor Dan Savage created a website in response to these terrible events.
Savage who is openly gay created a website called It gets Better. It was created in response to the suicide of 15 year old Billy Lucas, who was bullied for his perceived sexual orientation.
This project encourages adults, both LGBT and otherwise, to submit videos assuring gay teenagers that life can improve after bullying in early life.

Bullying can be a terrible thing and it's victims can suffer serious psychological damage that can take years to undo. I myself have been bullied. The way I dealt with it may not be the healthiest but I survived. I simply retreated within myself, put my head down, and studied hard because I knew education would get me the hell away from those people. I knew my life was going in a different direction and I was determined to leave them all behind. I suppose it was one of the driving forces behind my leaving my country and why I would never go back unless kicking or screaming in a body bag. I know I am bitter, and I can admit it. It's also why my circle of friends is very small and why of all my friends, I only have one who is from my country, and that enough thank you very much. If I wanted to hang out with my fellow countrymen I would have stayed in the country (NB: I didn't say MY country. It was never my country and I was made to feel I didn't belong by everyone outside of my family)

Anyway I think I survived because I was arrogant and developed a thick skin and I told myself I would never give up because that would mean they won. And I would be damned if I let them win. So I had a look at Dan's website and  I was very impressed. There are ordinary men and women in society of all ages and even a few celebrities and out gay British MP giving encouragement to young LGBT boys and girls who are having a tough time. Many of the testimonials are emotional because they bring back old memories and wounds. But it is also cathartic. As for me I can say that where I am in my life now and where I was then IT DOES GET BETTER! :-)

Support this project and post a video of yourself giving advice. After all the life your words can save may be closer than you think.

Get involved and check out these sites:

US Based and International audience:

• Dan Savage's http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

British Based:

Visit http://www.bullying.co.uk/ The Anti- Bullying Charity - Help and advice for victims of bullying their parents and school

Visit http://www.kidscape.org.uk/parents/ - Helpline support and advice for parents of bullied children

Visit http://www.outzone.org/ - to find out more about PACE LGBT youth group

• Outzone -a relaxed, weekly group for young men under 26 who identify as gay or bisexual or think they might be.  
• Girl Diva - Girl Diva is a friendly & informal weekly group for lesbian, bisexual, queer, pansexual & questioning young women aged 25 and under.
• First Move - Coming along to First Move for LGBT under 18's is a great way to meet people and make friends in a safe and supportive place.

PACE Helpline: Email: pace.helpline@pacehealth.org.uk
Phone: 0808 1807 223 (Mon 9:30am-12:30pm & Thurs evening 6:30pm-8:30pm)

Visit www.gmfa.org.uk/theguide/browse - to find out more about LGBT sporting clubs and social group

Visit http://www.llgs.org.uk/ - London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard (LLGS) provides an information, support and referral service for lesbians, gay men, bisexual, trans people and anyone who needs to consider issues around their sexuality.  Helpline 0207 837 7324

To live life is not always to walk through a meadow

Making goals, like new years resolutions are easier said than done. I've been ,OK, at creating daily goals but not great and one thing that this exercise has led me to realise that there there are some goals that although they are written down and staring me in the face I will make all manner of excuses not to do them. The question I have to ask myself is, why? Why do I throw obstacles in my path towards achieving my goals? Why is it that although I know what I am doing and I know the right path I should be on I still turn aside and go down that dark alley. What self destructive tendencies are there that lurk within me and how do i get rid of it?

I think all of you will agreed that we all have our shadow/demon self. That side of our personality that leads up down the overgrown path instead of the yellow brick road. As much as we will like to get rid of it we can't. Our shadow selves are as important to us as our light selves. After all without the darkness how can we recognise the light. It's all about balance and finding the right balance so that we can live with the opposing sides of our psyche in peace. But I'm glad my shadow shows up so often because it makes me question my reality. I, like all of us, have an image in our mind of what we are like and what we're am suppose to be. My shadow self makes me realise that sometimes, or some occasions, I am full of bullcrap. I do have a very strong will and I am not easily swayed and because of this my will manifest itself in both positive and negative aspects of my personality. Should I try to be rid of my shadow self I could be doing more harm than good. Still I try. Sometimes it's good to lose. :-)

"Kill all my demons, and my angels might die too."
— Tennessee Williams

This is the day I won the lottery

Today is my birthday. On this day I celebrate my birth. Lately I've been thinking about my birth. The fact that I exist and what it means. Being born is like winning the lottery. Only it's the greatest prize of them all, life. Think about it, as humans we start off as one of millions of spermatozoa that race towards a single egg. We complete against millions of other sperms racing wildly along a fallopian tube, no map, no sat navs, just an instinctive drive to be the first one to get to that egg. And we do. We get there and we are winners. We bore into the egg and we are conceived. Stop and think about that for a moment.

Before consciousness we have been able to instinctively go after what we want and achieve this and yet, somehow after all that enthusiasm, that without the right stimuli , once we are born, we seen to lose this drive. The problem, knowledge. To much knowledge is a dangerous thing. I so strongly agree. As we mature we learn about rights and wrongs, pain and pleasure, fear and courage. It is this knowledge that can help or hinder us throughout the rest of our lives. For most of us we travel along the path of least resistance never thoroughly realising our full potential. Little realising that it is the trials and tribulations that we bear in our lives that mould and shape us, like crucibles we are filled with potential but the fire of life burns hotly beneath us. For some the heat of the flames causes us to boil over, for others we melt and yet for others the heat challenges them so that the cream rises to the top.

I have always wanted to do something in the arts. Be a writer, a fine artist an interior designer. I had the talent but along the way it got corrupted. I was educated. I was taught the right way to paint, to hold a brush, to draw, to design, to think. Character arc, compositions, colour wheel, cubism, moderism, realism, high art, low art, on and on my education went until I had education coming out of my ears. Of course the inevitable happened with too much knowledge. I froze. I was paralyzed into inaction. Afraid to make a move least it not be the correct one, or "traditional" method, or meet with approval from the authorities on the subject. It is why I am now strongly against art education. I don't believe that art in whatever medium can or should be taught. It should evolve naturally in the artist hands and let new discoveries and new ways of doing emerge. Rules only serve to stagnate the mind. Now I am learning to unlearn the rules, learning not be concerned about what is right and what is wrong But instead trust in myself and just do it. I am reminded of a poem a friend recommended to me. I will reproduce it here and I hope it resonates within you as it did me for we are all in this together. For the non religious replace the word God with Potential. The message remains the same.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).

Daily Goal - If you do what you always do, you'll get what you always get.

Today I added an AdSense onto my account. Why? Why not? I decided for 2011 to stop questioning and doubting myself and my actions. I over think things too much so like I promised it is going to be a year of action. The only hiccup so far is I want the ads on the side and not beneath my posts. So I'm trying to figure that one out. You know as soon as I do.

There was a goal that I set for myself  yesterday of applying for a job. This didn't happen. I'm not going to be down on myself for not achieving my goal instead I examined why I didn't do it. I looked at the jobs, I shortlisted what I wanted but when it came time to look at it more carefully to apply I saw they were asking for things I didn't have. Certain skills and experience, I questioned myself whether I should still apply but in the end I decided against it. Why? My logic was I didn't want to waste my time applying for a job I won't get, because we all know how time consuming job applications are these days. And I trust myself to know that if I approach this negatively I won't present myself in the most positive light. Another deeper reason which in the hash light of today I realise is my old friend fear. Fear of failure( I never like doing things unless there was a 99.9% chance that I will be successful), which is why I procrastinate so much my doing research, and weighting up the pros and cons. To overcome this fear I need to move outside of my head and into the world of action. Fear of making the wrong decision, so I make no decision( after all you can't be wrong if you sit on the fence can you. The problem with that is you also can't be right.). It is a perpetual limbo a false security that is killing me. But it is strange that knowing all of this does not mean that I will change my ways. I am too much of a thinker and not enough of a doer. Fear rules my life. There I've said it. Fear of the unknown and taking chances have curtail the me that I am. The me that I see inside and that is banging it's bloodly fist against a mental prison.

So I have two daily goals. The first and most formidable is to overcome the fear within me and the second is to channel that fear into a actionable goal. Stop thinking whether it's the right decision or not, just do it.

2011 The Year of Action

Happy New Year 2011. The new year has opened pretty much like the old one( this is worrisome). I did some budget sheets, lazed around in bed, watched a few you tubes videos, read a few comic book, watched some television and generally bummed around the house. The new year is not something I celebrate or look forward to because it just reminds me that I am another year older and I am nowhere near achieving what I want to achieve with my life.

So this year I promised myself that I will be more action oriented than cranial oriented. I always think about what I am going to do. In fact you would be right to say I think things to a slow painful death. I know it's fear disguised as caution and reservation. So in 2011 I want to truly face my fear. No more thinking things through and worrying if I am doing the correct thing or not.

I have been thinking about this for sometime(I know, I know, sigh!!) and wondering why despite my best laid plans for success it still seems to elude me and the answer is right there in front of me. I never follow through my thoughts with actions. Sure, I make what I will admit are half hearted attempts but there is no real enthusiasm. There is always the fear that stops me from really "having a go" and just doing it.

So for 2011 I am going to be an international man of action No more thinking things through. The best way to start would be to set daily goals and accomplish them. That's 365 goals per year. I'm sure that if I were to to this at the end of the year I will see a mark change in my life. What do you think? Why don't you join me and write down 365 goals you will like to achieve on a daily basis and see if we can achieve them all.