Hello there...it's the start of a new year 2012 and time to clear out the old and usher in the new.
2011 was an interesting year to say the least.It start off full of promise but like most promises life can get in the way. I think the lesson I've learnt is that I should do only one thing at a time and not try to achieve everything at the same time. This usually results in my not doing anything and sinking into a state of depression.
I promised myself that 2012 was going to be my year of being British. What does that mean I hear you ask? Well, it simply mean I'm am going to try and engage in activities that are traditionally British activities. Events such as BBC Proms at Royal Albert Hall, visits to the lake district, see all the museums cultural centres like Shakespeare Globe theatre, Stonehenge, etc. The one tradition I draw the line at is visiting Thailand and hooking up with some lady boy. I do have my limits. LOL (kidding).
I am actually looking forward to all this and hopefully I have learnt from my mistakes in 2011 and wouldn't repeat them in 2012. After all those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them. So wish me luck and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!. May it be an Olympian one! lol.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Sometimes Destiny and Choice are the same thing
There are many proverbs in the English language about the subject of opportunity and chance.
- Opportunity only knocks once
- Opportunity seldom knocks twice
- Strike while the iron is hot
- Time and Tide wait on no man
- When one door shuts another opens
They are all common sense truths based on humanities shared experience. Unfortunately in the past few years I've had forgotten about these basic truths and life lessons though evidence of its existence is all around me. Like many of us I'm so caught up in the mechanisms of my everyday life that I can't see the forest from the trees. There are times in our lives when opportunities are handed to us and we ignore it or say no. And yet, strangely these opportunities present themselves over and over again in our lives in different disguises, vying for our attention. Now all that is required is that we stop and see them for what they are.
I was talking to a friend of mine earlier this week and we were discussing how unhappy we are with the way things are changing in our lives particularly that growing sense that we're not in control of our lives. After all , if i am the captain of my ship why am i crashed upon the rocks. She then told me the story of her boyfriend and how his life is totally different. Her boyfriend (lets call him Hans) is a small business entrepreneur who has had varying degrees of success and failure as all businessmen but the one constant that has remained with him is that whether it is during periods of success or failure he is always open to opportunities in his life. After a prolong period of success he lost everything when market forces and competition moved against him. the consequences of which he ended up living with friends on their couch. During his successful years he met a lot of people, he has an extroverted personality so he talks with every and anyone. One such person was the manager of a London Hotel. During a conversation one day and the manager mentioned that they have a German business group staying at the hotel and they were currently looking for an interpreter. Hans offered his services (he speaks multiple languages of which German is one) and the upshot of it was he was offered the job as an interpreter for 6 months, stayed free of charge at the hotel and saved enough money that when the interpreting work dried up he when straight back into business which he continues to this day. He could have been despondent about the initial business failure and given up on himself but he didn’t. He just kept on going and doing things. This is a philosophy that worked for him and had been taught to him by his grandfather. His grandfather was in the second word war and he passed on the lessons that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and that he should live life for today seizing each opportunity that life gives him.
After hearing this story it made me want to be more conscious of the opportunities that present themselves in my life. Recently I had been thinking of purchasing an iPod as a gift for my little cousin and was talking to a friend of mine as we looked online to see that the price was a bit steep. Then that very evening when I got home there was an email from apple about getting a replacement iPod for 1st generation holders. Normally i would have ignored this email but then i realise this could solve my predicament. A new iPod for free. So i took a chance and ordered one. SNAP! Synchronicity don't you just love it.
However recognising opportunities has been and continues to be a conscious effort on my part to keep my eyes open and see the chances open up before me. And yet being able to spot an opportunity isn't enough. It's about following up those opportunities taking chances and acting upon them. WithoutWriting took such a chance. Whether or not he was conscious of it at the time , an opportunity arose for him to leave everything he knew behind and explore a new country for at least 6 months and he took it. I've got to say I'm very proud of him. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a great way to learn about yourself and learn about your limitations and strengths. Immigrating to this country on my own I know what it's like to leave behind all that you know and throw yourself at the deep end. But i wounldnt trade this experience for the world. So here to keeping your eyes peeled and ears open for that knocking sound.
However recognising opportunities has been and continues to be a conscious effort on my part to keep my eyes open and see the chances open up before me. And yet being able to spot an opportunity isn't enough. It's about following up those opportunities taking chances and acting upon them. WithoutWriting took such a chance. Whether or not he was conscious of it at the time , an opportunity arose for him to leave everything he knew behind and explore a new country for at least 6 months and he took it. I've got to say I'm very proud of him. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a great way to learn about yourself and learn about your limitations and strengths. Immigrating to this country on my own I know what it's like to leave behind all that you know and throw yourself at the deep end. But i wounldnt trade this experience for the world. So here to keeping your eyes peeled and ears open for that knocking sound.
Thursday, 21 July 2011
Opps,... I did it again.
Sometimes I am really hard on myself and when I'm in such a mood, I lock myself away from the world and like a wounded bear go in a dark corner and lick my wounds. Yesterday was one such day. It was a long day with no let up. Everyone was making demands of my time, and if it's one thing I don't like; it's people encroaching on my time.
Everyday for the past few months I've made a promise to myself that I will say in this job for two years before moving on to something else. My two years will be up at the end of this month and I still don't know what's that 'something else' which I intend to move onto. I am angry with myself that I seem stuck in my life. Unmoving(unwilling to move?) stuck in a quagmire of my own design and there lies the crux of the problem. Is my present position one of my own making or am I a puppet in a madman's hand. I am torn within myself having experienced a schism in my psyche whose dichotomy I am finding increasingly difficult to reunite. Growing up I was led to believe that my life was been led and ordered by some unseen power. However after living in the UK for so many years and being exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking this has resulted in my questioning my own worldview. I am an independent man unchained by family, history, society or religion. Adrift on the proverbial rough seas I desperately weave a seaweed and driftwood raft of a myriad of ideas that has been handed down to me by every person that I have met.
This divisions is my worldview is something I have wrestled and continue to wrestle with because of the implications. Believing that I am guided by some unseen order means I felt that I can coast through life and let whatever happens, happen to me. On the other hand if I am responsible for my experience of life then a belief in an unseen force is a crutch and weakness that had hindered my development to be all that I can be.
I take no prisoners. My personality is I am black or white No shades of grey. And yet knowing this is not enough. The mind wants to maintain the staus quo and will not tolerate change easily. Self sabotage is a wild king dancing a merry tune in my mind. Yesterday in a fit of rage and madness I sat down to start writing my resume in the hopes of moving on but before I knew it that little gremlin in the back of my mind starts to whisper and pour his poisonous words in my ear, 'Why? What are you doing? Where are you going? Don't jump from the pot into the fire? Stay where you are, it's a job and you are being paid.' All monster excuses that beat repeatedly upon the already cracked and fragile door of my mind, until my resistance splinters and crashes down so that before I knew it I had spent hours watching music videos on you tube. I love music. But it didn't help me. I was furious with myself. Once again I had become sidetracked but every failure meant that I would grow stronger. Until one day I will break this cycle.
Everyday for the past few months I've made a promise to myself that I will say in this job for two years before moving on to something else. My two years will be up at the end of this month and I still don't know what's that 'something else' which I intend to move onto. I am angry with myself that I seem stuck in my life. Unmoving(unwilling to move?) stuck in a quagmire of my own design and there lies the crux of the problem. Is my present position one of my own making or am I a puppet in a madman's hand. I am torn within myself having experienced a schism in my psyche whose dichotomy I am finding increasingly difficult to reunite. Growing up I was led to believe that my life was been led and ordered by some unseen power. However after living in the UK for so many years and being exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking this has resulted in my questioning my own worldview. I am an independent man unchained by family, history, society or religion. Adrift on the proverbial rough seas I desperately weave a seaweed and driftwood raft of a myriad of ideas that has been handed down to me by every person that I have met.
This divisions is my worldview is something I have wrestled and continue to wrestle with because of the implications. Believing that I am guided by some unseen order means I felt that I can coast through life and let whatever happens, happen to me. On the other hand if I am responsible for my experience of life then a belief in an unseen force is a crutch and weakness that had hindered my development to be all that I can be.
I take no prisoners. My personality is I am black or white No shades of grey. And yet knowing this is not enough. The mind wants to maintain the staus quo and will not tolerate change easily. Self sabotage is a wild king dancing a merry tune in my mind. Yesterday in a fit of rage and madness I sat down to start writing my resume in the hopes of moving on but before I knew it that little gremlin in the back of my mind starts to whisper and pour his poisonous words in my ear, 'Why? What are you doing? Where are you going? Don't jump from the pot into the fire? Stay where you are, it's a job and you are being paid.' All monster excuses that beat repeatedly upon the already cracked and fragile door of my mind, until my resistance splinters and crashes down so that before I knew it I had spent hours watching music videos on you tube. I love music. But it didn't help me. I was furious with myself. Once again I had become sidetracked but every failure meant that I would grow stronger. Until one day I will break this cycle.
Monday, 4 July 2011
It's Playtime
WAKE UP PEOPLE, WE'VE BEEN SCAMMED!! HOODWINKED, AND BAMBOOZLED.
Being an adult is not all they said it was going to be.
Earlier this evening I was sitting on my gallery and looking down on some kids playing hide and seek on the estate and thinking to myself. 'Geez, I haven't played in forever,' I mean really played. That abandon of screaming in the wind as you play tag with your friends, the genuine excitement of running, jumping , exploring, curiosity, fearlessness, having a bundle of emotion that explode out of you every second that you don't waste time analysing it you just live it. I miss that. Sometimes being an adult really blows.
They tell you that when you become an adult you can do what you want, stay up as late as you want, and have ice cream for breakfast if you want, and we believe them. So in the back of our minds whenever you have an argument with our parents and they ground you we think "as soon as I'm 18, I'm out of here." You want to live the dream. But you know what, yeah you can have that ice cream for breakfast and watch all the late night television you want, what they don't tell you is as an adult if you live "the dream"you end up 300 pounds overweight, barely able to breathe, and eventually carried out into the flashing lights of the Press on a forklift like some bloated, beached whale. Being an adult they never mention that you get all serious and forget about real, soul nourishing, fun. Now fun is found at the bottom of a bottle on a Friday night as we dance our youth away in a haze of strobe lights and earsplitting music.
I want to run barefoot in the grass with my dog laughing with genuine joy, I want to shower in the rain I want to feel the world is full of possibilities again, I want to learn to play again.
Being an adult is not all they said it was going to be.
Earlier this evening I was sitting on my gallery and looking down on some kids playing hide and seek on the estate and thinking to myself. 'Geez, I haven't played in forever,' I mean really played. That abandon of screaming in the wind as you play tag with your friends, the genuine excitement of running, jumping , exploring, curiosity, fearlessness, having a bundle of emotion that explode out of you every second that you don't waste time analysing it you just live it. I miss that. Sometimes being an adult really blows.
They tell you that when you become an adult you can do what you want, stay up as late as you want, and have ice cream for breakfast if you want, and we believe them. So in the back of our minds whenever you have an argument with our parents and they ground you we think "as soon as I'm 18, I'm out of here." You want to live the dream. But you know what, yeah you can have that ice cream for breakfast and watch all the late night television you want, what they don't tell you is as an adult if you live "the dream"you end up 300 pounds overweight, barely able to breathe, and eventually carried out into the flashing lights of the Press on a forklift like some bloated, beached whale. Being an adult they never mention that you get all serious and forget about real, soul nourishing, fun. Now fun is found at the bottom of a bottle on a Friday night as we dance our youth away in a haze of strobe lights and earsplitting music.
I want to run barefoot in the grass with my dog laughing with genuine joy, I want to shower in the rain I want to feel the world is full of possibilities again, I want to learn to play again.
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Happy Parents Day
I never trusted the water companies, they must have spiked my tap water. It's the only explanation for what's happening to me.
Lately I've been feeling broody, paternal, maternal even, which is interesting since last time I checked I was still a guy. But the way I'm feeling I'm only surprised I'm not lactating. All my friends are starting to have, or have started having families. Babies, toddlers and ankle biters are all around me and where previously there has been no interest on my part for anything beneath three feet tall, suddenly I find myself starting into strangers prams and smiling at their little bundle of joy. What is up with that?
First off let me say I''ve always valued my independence, having no commitments or family ties to stop me from achieving anything I want to in life. The things mere mortals prized highly a love one, kids, family, a home, a mortgage...living the dream they called it. I thought you might as well lock me in a damp dungeon and throw away the keys. It was a nightmare scenario for me cause I felt it meant that I was becoming trapped and my life was over. Now all of a sudden I find myself fantasying about having a relationship and a family or as I sometimes call it, a jail sentence with hard labour (with the possibility for parole for good behaviour, of course).
I must admit, this familial interest isn't a recent development. It's been on and off for the last 4-5 months now but I've only just gotten the courage to publicly admit it. I think it came full blown when I visited my cousins with their children. I should have know it was a conspiracy when I was getting all these hugs from the 3 and 7 year old and the cutest smiles from the 1 year old. They worked me over for the three weeks i was there, melting the ice around my heart until they had me wrapped around their little fingers that I was promising of entertaining them in London should they visit. Oh, they got me good.
I thought being back in London the ice around my heart would start to reform and harden but no. Instead I'm having dreams of my future children (Marcus and Celia) yes, that was their names in the dream, and it's seeping into my reality so now I'm thinking of getting a little rugrat of my own. A mini me with whom I can plot to take over the world. But children are for life, not just Christmas. That means they are a HUGH responsibility. Even with the German nanny. The friends of mine with toddlers tell me the stories of sleepless nights, concerns about teething, illnesses. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. I see the neighbourhood kids and I think I don't want my son/daughter hanging around "those" kids. Cause you know when they reach teenage years, if they were anything like me there'll be doors slamming, moody spells of silence cause if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you, and finally spending alot of time in the room alone listening to heavy metal music or "researching" (the male readers know what I'm talking about). I don't know how my mother put up with me.
I should go give her a call. So to all you mums and dads out there I salute you. You're doing the toughest job with no pay, but you can't beat those hugs, kisses and laughter for perks.
Lately I've been feeling broody, paternal, maternal even, which is interesting since last time I checked I was still a guy. But the way I'm feeling I'm only surprised I'm not lactating. All my friends are starting to have, or have started having families. Babies, toddlers and ankle biters are all around me and where previously there has been no interest on my part for anything beneath three feet tall, suddenly I find myself starting into strangers prams and smiling at their little bundle of joy. What is up with that?
First off let me say I''ve always valued my independence, having no commitments or family ties to stop me from achieving anything I want to in life. The things mere mortals prized highly a love one, kids, family, a home, a mortgage...living the dream they called it. I thought you might as well lock me in a damp dungeon and throw away the keys. It was a nightmare scenario for me cause I felt it meant that I was becoming trapped and my life was over. Now all of a sudden I find myself fantasying about having a relationship and a family or as I sometimes call it, a jail sentence with hard labour (with the possibility for parole for good behaviour, of course).
I must admit, this familial interest isn't a recent development. It's been on and off for the last 4-5 months now but I've only just gotten the courage to publicly admit it. I think it came full blown when I visited my cousins with their children. I should have know it was a conspiracy when I was getting all these hugs from the 3 and 7 year old and the cutest smiles from the 1 year old. They worked me over for the three weeks i was there, melting the ice around my heart until they had me wrapped around their little fingers that I was promising of entertaining them in London should they visit. Oh, they got me good.
I thought being back in London the ice around my heart would start to reform and harden but no. Instead I'm having dreams of my future children (Marcus and Celia) yes, that was their names in the dream, and it's seeping into my reality so now I'm thinking of getting a little rugrat of my own. A mini me with whom I can plot to take over the world. But children are for life, not just Christmas. That means they are a HUGH responsibility. Even with the German nanny. The friends of mine with toddlers tell me the stories of sleepless nights, concerns about teething, illnesses. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. I see the neighbourhood kids and I think I don't want my son/daughter hanging around "those" kids. Cause you know when they reach teenage years, if they were anything like me there'll be doors slamming, moody spells of silence cause if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you, and finally spending alot of time in the room alone listening to heavy metal music or "researching" (the male readers know what I'm talking about). I don't know how my mother put up with me.
I should go give her a call. So to all you mums and dads out there I salute you. You're doing the toughest job with no pay, but you can't beat those hugs, kisses and laughter for perks.
Monday, 27 June 2011
Prepare yourself...it's coming
Monday 28th June 2011. it was 31 degrees outside and I was stinking to high heaven. Geez!! Good thing my work colleagues where too polite to say anything or maybe they were just scared. I do give off that "don't mess with me vibe". LOL It's more bravado than any implied threat.
So I started this lotto/euro millions syndicate at the office and I am amazed at people's relationship with money. I've done it all legal with terms and conditions etc. and before signing your name their is a heading which specifically states in bold that the signing of this form is the confirmation of the signatory agreement to the terms and conditions overleaf. It boggles the mind how so few people actually read this T&C and how many say "I trust you". Really? They trust me? I hold the original signed contracts, and original tickets. I provide the players with copies of the tickets but that is it. When we win the jackpot and should I decide to run away with the winnings they have absolutely no evidence that they are in a syndicate, no evidence of who played, no evidence of if they are a regular player or not. Nothing. My lawyers will ask where is the evidence, what scrap of paper or agreement do they possess that proves they are in a syndicate and a regular player. So I've started sending emails to protect them from me. lol.
I'm also surprised with how little people prepare themselves for the eventuality that they will win a jackpot. I have already looked into diversifying into the four main asset classes, and securing independent financial advisers in preparation for the win. It is a true statistic that 70% of lottery winners spend if not all but most of their winnings in three years. This is why I believe in the five "Ps" Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. It is true you can't prepare for every single eventuality but where you can prepare you should. But it's not just about the lottery but about life in general. It is important that we prepare ourselves for both the good and the bad in life and in so doing rejoice in it's joys and soften the blow of the rough.
So I started this lotto/euro millions syndicate at the office and I am amazed at people's relationship with money. I've done it all legal with terms and conditions etc. and before signing your name their is a heading which specifically states in bold that the signing of this form is the confirmation of the signatory agreement to the terms and conditions overleaf. It boggles the mind how so few people actually read this T&C and how many say "I trust you". Really? They trust me? I hold the original signed contracts, and original tickets. I provide the players with copies of the tickets but that is it. When we win the jackpot and should I decide to run away with the winnings they have absolutely no evidence that they are in a syndicate, no evidence of who played, no evidence of if they are a regular player or not. Nothing. My lawyers will ask where is the evidence, what scrap of paper or agreement do they possess that proves they are in a syndicate and a regular player. So I've started sending emails to protect them from me. lol.
I'm also surprised with how little people prepare themselves for the eventuality that they will win a jackpot. I have already looked into diversifying into the four main asset classes, and securing independent financial advisers in preparation for the win. It is a true statistic that 70% of lottery winners spend if not all but most of their winnings in three years. This is why I believe in the five "Ps" Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. It is true you can't prepare for every single eventuality but where you can prepare you should. But it's not just about the lottery but about life in general. It is important that we prepare ourselves for both the good and the bad in life and in so doing rejoice in it's joys and soften the blow of the rough.
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
You got to have a dream, if you dont have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true.
June 2011. Half the year, and time to reevaluate where I am in my life. Actually I am always reevaluating myself and where I am at this point in my life. That's the problem. My friends tell me I think too much and they are right. But being able to have independent thought is one of the abilities that I don't want to give it up. It's what I take pride in myself for and perhaps this pride is my downfall. It's hard for me to let go and just "let things happen". I always need to be in control. It's the freak in me. haha.
However it's not all bad. Being so cerebral allows me to some up with brilliant ideas and I'm forever having epiphanies. My latest was I am responsible for my own experiences of life. This statement means different things to different people, but for me it means that if I'm unsatisfied with my life then the only one who can change it is me. Stop, Pause and read that again. This is an important realisation for me because as I sit here partaking of a life that is not the life I really want, I realise that truly, I am the only one that can change it. These days I tend to make future plans with this way of thinking. That in itself has been a huge shift in my thought patterns where I am always looking back over my proverbial shoulder to see where I have come from, and questioning did I make the right decisions then. This would usually lead to me becoming despondent if I believed I had made the wrong choice that led me to where I am today. However now I realise (intellectually at least, if not quite on an emotional level as yet) that there was no right or wrong choice. There was just a choice. I'm not completely over that way of thinking but I tend to look forward more often.
However despite the best of intentions without action I'm still spinning top in mud. I know exactly what I'm suppose to do to enhance my experience of life but I'm still running scared. Running away, fearing success, fearing failure. FEAR! It dominates my thinking more than i would like to admit and it finds expression in a number of insidious and inventive ways, some of which might sound familiar to you as well. I start many projects and never complete them always walking out on them to do something else or find the flimsiest of excuses to get out of something I know I should be doing. So to counter this I have decided that I am going to be selective in my choice of activities and do one thing at a time to completion. So far it's been working I start with simple things like putting away my clothes and not just leaving it on the ground or some such. But it not easy I'm only human but I do see changes.
However it's not all bad. Being so cerebral allows me to some up with brilliant ideas and I'm forever having epiphanies. My latest was I am responsible for my own experiences of life. This statement means different things to different people, but for me it means that if I'm unsatisfied with my life then the only one who can change it is me. Stop, Pause and read that again. This is an important realisation for me because as I sit here partaking of a life that is not the life I really want, I realise that truly, I am the only one that can change it. These days I tend to make future plans with this way of thinking. That in itself has been a huge shift in my thought patterns where I am always looking back over my proverbial shoulder to see where I have come from, and questioning did I make the right decisions then. This would usually lead to me becoming despondent if I believed I had made the wrong choice that led me to where I am today. However now I realise (intellectually at least, if not quite on an emotional level as yet) that there was no right or wrong choice. There was just a choice. I'm not completely over that way of thinking but I tend to look forward more often.
However despite the best of intentions without action I'm still spinning top in mud. I know exactly what I'm suppose to do to enhance my experience of life but I'm still running scared. Running away, fearing success, fearing failure. FEAR! It dominates my thinking more than i would like to admit and it finds expression in a number of insidious and inventive ways, some of which might sound familiar to you as well. I start many projects and never complete them always walking out on them to do something else or find the flimsiest of excuses to get out of something I know I should be doing. So to counter this I have decided that I am going to be selective in my choice of activities and do one thing at a time to completion. So far it's been working I start with simple things like putting away my clothes and not just leaving it on the ground or some such. But it not easy I'm only human but I do see changes.
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